The Beginning

When my father was first diagnosed with Alzheimer's, it was a very rough time in our family. First of all, Dad became very angry and belligerent. Secondly, Mom was in denial and would not accept the fact that Dad really could not remember things. So she would be angry, too. What a difficult time!

One of the first things I remember that really hit me was this: Mom had been to the store and had bought him some denture cleaner for his dentures. She set it on the table and was putting the groceries away. Dad picked up the box and looked at it. He turned it over and read what it was. He had a puzzled look on his face and he said, "What is this stuff for?" That's when Alzheimer's really became real for me.

As I've said previously, Dad loves ice cream. He will eat it anytime you offer it to him. One day he wanted a bowl of ice cream and he went in the kitchen to get it and he was there for a long time. We went in to see what the problem was and he was searching all over the kitchen. When asked what he was looking for he said, "I can't find the ice cream scoop anywhere." We went to the drawer and there it was where it had always been. This was another instance where we realized this was not going to be easy!

Here is what my sister, Joy, remembers:

"We have watched our Dad go through what must have been some very confusing and scary changes in his life. Times when he cursed and stomped and shook his fist. We had never really seen him like that before. Or, I hadn't, anyway. I'm sure my Mom and my brother Todd have endured the worst of it. They are there with him all the time.

At times our hearts have been broken. I was so distraught when I knew he would lose his drivers license. I felt this was the last part of his independenceto be sacrificed. I think he took that better than I did. I don't know how he really felt inside, but he accepted it. I was so proud of him.

We have prayed that God would keep his mind sharp enough that Mom could take care of him until He calls him home. God has been most gracious! We are amazed that he seems so much better than he was before. He carries on a fine conversation, and can still say a precious prayer, which I'm sure God is more pleased with than what most of us can speak.

There were times when he was confused, wandering around looking for something, but could never remember what he was looking for. Times we would tell him to lie down, but he could not remember how. Restless nights when he awakened confused about where he was, having trouble differentiating between dream and reality.But through it all, he has kept his sense of humor. He still has to tell his silly old jokes, over and over and over. And we still laugh, every time. And he laughs, now, about his "disease". "I have something wrong with me. I just can't remember what it is." And sometimes (often really) he gets two desserts, because he swears he didn't have the first one!

Mom loves him more than she ever did. In a way, I'm glad she went through this with him. I think this will be the precious years she will remember of him. He asks her many times a day, "Will you marry me?" She always laughs. And they are so affectionate now. He needs her and he knows it. It's been good for them. But it's still very hard on her.

At first, we would think every Christmas, or Father's Day, or Birthday, that this would probably be the last. Year after year. We don't even go there anymore. Now we just know we will love him until the Lord chooses to take him home. And he still does a fine job of loving us."

Like Joy tells, Dad would make jokes about not remembering, but then if you reminded him to do something, he would become very obstinant and angry and let us know in no uncertain terms that no one was going to tell him what to do. He began to think we were all out to get him and we were all trying to ruin his life. It was hardest on Mom and he began to be very unkind and say hurtful things to her. That's when we decided it was time for us to intervene. Things were getting worse and worse, so we called Dad's Dr. and went in to see him . . without Dad. . and without Mom. It would never do to talk about Dad in front of Dad.

We made a list of things that had been happening around the house and explained to the doctor all that was happening. The next time Dad was in to the doctor, he very tactfully asked him different questions and then prescribed some medications for him. It changed the whole atmosphere of their home. Dad settled down and became even tempered again and things began to be more normal. We really appreciate that doctor, and know that he is very wise in the way he does things. He has taken very good care of our Dad and our Mom and has been very receptive to our insight, too. Joy takes Dad to all of his doctor appointments now and takes care of all his meds. We all have our jobs and things that we do for Mom and Dad. It has been difficult at times, but it has worked out very well for us. I praise the Lord for my sister and my brothers for all that they do. It is a family affair and a joint effort. It would be extremely difficult for any of us to do it alone. We are a team and for that we are all grateful.